Dead Heart (My First And ONLY Mary Sue)
by Thalia Weaver
Summary: Um...I wrote this long ago, before I reformed- I didn't take it down because, though a Mary Sue, it's written pretty well ^.^.
1. Legolas Musing

Why I Don't Sleep  
  
The others are watching me quietly. They don't want me to know it, but they are worried- worried that I do not sleep, do not eat much. I should be touched, but sometimes it seems as if I will never care again, not since…  
It is too painful, even now, so long afterwards. The others… they suppose I am a lover of men, since I have claimed no woman. The thought of male bodies interacting … that way… sickens me, though many would not believe it. It seems my heart is dead within me, lost forever. She stole it, kept it, broke it, destroyed it forever. How can this be, even now, I do not know. When this affair is done I will go to the sea, that pulls within me- where my heart used to be- to itself, drown in its wide blueness and forget…  
Aragorn is watching me, waiting for me to sleep. I look away. How can I tell them that she fills my thoughts every time I close my eyes, pulling me down , back into the "innocence" of my youth…  
She came to Mirkwood, young for an Elf, quiet, so shy the others kept away, but I could not. From the moment I first saw her, drowning in her own private sea of tears, my only thought was to hold her, comfort her, make her mine. And yet there was a wall between her and me, and she would not see me as more than a friend.  
"I have been hurt," she said, "And even you cannot mend my wounds, for I am dying of sorrow."  
I knew it was true, and yet I knew more that I could save her. Finally, that night, I caught her crying, alone, and I crushed her to me. At last she surrendered to my kiss, though she seemed reluctant- frightened.   
"I will never hurt you," I said, and I meant it. That night, she truly stole my heart.  
And then, one month later, when I was ready to wed her, she had left.  
"Goodbye, Legolas," she said, softly. "I do not mean to break your heart, and yet I must go. This destiny is not mine!"  
My heart died that day.  
It died, and it has never come back. 


	2. Calenredwen's Tale: A new dawning

This life, for me, is over. I cannot stay here, within the peace of Lorien, for the time grows ever nearer when my people must go to Valinor… and I am not ready. My heart lies cold within me, and I must journey until I can find a spark to rekindle it… my life seems a meaningless eternity. This place where I was born- Middle-Earth- is so strange to me. I have never gone beyond the borders of Lorien. Perhaps leaving this forest will help me find my heart.  
  
Galadriel, my cousin, gave me counsel as I left this place.  
  
"Calenredwen," she told me, "The hope of your heart lies out of our borders. But do not be so quick to abandon the Elven race… perhaps the spark you seek lies closer than you think."  
  
She is wise, my cousin, and yet I fear that in this matter she knows not. My wounds are deep indeed, and this vacuum, this absence of all feeling, is almost a comfort compared to the knife-pain of sorrow and anger. I suppose my heart shut down after so much pain…  
  
I go to seek healing, and hope, and perhaps… something to make my heart close to what it once was before he came.  
  
He… Brilearwenion, the one whom I gave my heart to. And then he died. The battle of the Five Armies claimed him, and I watched as he fell off the horse, stabbed by the spear of an orc. I was told later that I killed more orcs than most of my clan combined, shouting all the time, but I have no recollection… at all… of those years, four years when I was lost to the world, lost to anything but pain.  
  
And now the time has come to seek something new, something more than pain… I go to seek my future. 


	3. When Hearts Fly...

(A/N: I'm sorry if this chapter was too long in coming- I am very burdened right now. I also got a note from ff.net that I had to have a disclaimer, but I can't figure out how to put it on my other chapters, so this'll have to do.)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any Tolkien characters- just the books (LotR, the Silmarillion, Unfinished Tales, The Notes of Christopher Tolkien, The Tolkien Letters, The Movie: FotR Book, an illegal pirate copy of the Fellowship of the Ring on DVD) and undying love of the story and language. However, I do own Calenredwen. I hate flames, because it is my opinion that they are dangerous and can burn you. They belong in the campfire thingie, where I can toast marshmallows and weenies on them. So keep your meanie comments to yourself. Now I'll shut up.  
  
~Calenredwen~  
  
The hour was late as I walked through the wood. I had heard rumors of orcs by the border, even inside Lorien, and I wished my steps silent, instead of the small noise I heard as I walked. Suddenly, from afar, I heard the noise of Elven footsteps. I had heard orc stealth in the Battle of Five Armies, and I knew that only Elves walk with the sound of running river and falling leaf. I silently stole through the branches and gazed upon this intruder.  
  
He appeared distracted with sorrow and seemed to have been crying, but as I looked upon him my heart stirred such as it had not since the Battle… since Brilearwenion…  
  
I stepped out from behind the mallorn.  
  
"Brilearwenion…" I whispered. "Elen sila lumenn omentielvo."  
  
"Aelarweniel?" He said, in a voice that echoed with sorrow and tears…  
  
~Legolas~  
  
I did not know how long I had been crying. I had gone out of the camp to escape the round of friendly inquiries that Aragorn would subject me to, and the memories of Aelarweniel were too strong.  
  
At last I had stopped, and began to walk in order to compose myself. The mallorns glowed with an eerie light, and I began to wish for the oak and elm of home, to miss my father Thranduil. I walked and walked, intent upon my thoughts and hopes, dreams and wishes, when an Elven maiden stepped from behind a tree. I suppose if I had been alert I would have heard her, but I was wrapped in my own mind.  
  
"Brilearwenion…" she whispered, and though I did not understand her words, it seemed to be the voice of Aelarweniel come back.  
  
"Elen sila lumenn omentielvo."  
  
"Aelarweniel?" I asked, daring to hope. She was as beautiful as Aelarweniel, hair as soft, eyes as deep. And yet I knew that she was not truly my love… but my heart leapt anyway.  
  
"Who are you?" she asked. "You have made my heart stir so that I thought you were my…" she swallowed. This Brilearwenion was an Elf, then. "Brilearwenion."  
  
"I am…" I was unsure what to say. "A lost warrior, sad and tired."  
  
"And why does a warrior wander the Lady's wood?" she asked.  
  
"I may ask the same."  
  
"I am Calenredwen, kin of Galadriel. But who are you?"  
  
"I… I am Legolas, son of Thranduil, Prince of Mirkwood. I wander to heal my sorrow, and to forget past pain."  
  
"And I also. I take it that you have lost Aelarweniel, and I grieve your loss."  
  
"As you have lost Brilearwenion."  
  
~Calenredwen~  
  
This was a prince, then. And he had broken his heart as well… I wondered who this Aelarweniel was. She must have been beautiful, to take the heart of one so wonderful. I felt a protest deep within me.  
  
You have given your heart, and lost it, said a thought. This love is not yours to give. Do you wish to die again?  
  
I could not believe that such joy could happen to me again. Was I being unfaithful to Brilearwenion's memory, to love another?  
  
And then, as I gazed at this Legolas, I felt as though a hand pushed me gently forward, and I fell into his arms. I watched the look in his eyes change from surprise to confusion to delight, and we kissed.  
  
I melted into his arms, and the love that I found with Brilearwenion paled compared with the joy I found with him. He and I were one, filled with love and sorrow, joy and hope mingled with sad memories, and we took flight over the wood in each other's arms…  
  
~Legolas~  
  
Calenredwen… she was so beautiful. I wanted to carry her away and love her as I could not love Aelarweniel; I wanted to taste her tears. And yet, my heart told me not to…  
  
1 Do you love Aelarweniel? How can you think of another?  
  
Suddenly, she fell into my arms, and before anything else happened, I kissed her. I could taste her tears on her lips as I could taste her joy, and I felt as though we were one as Aelarweniel and I had never had a chance to be. I took her hand, and we flew…  
  
~A/N: Well, you knew it was gonna happen, right? Yep…er, by the way, "taking flight" is a figurative term. Their hearts took flight. (I know that was totally unnecessary, but my friends all asked, so I just wanted to avoid inevitable flames. ~ ) 


	4. The Ending

THE LAST CHAPTER  
  
Disclaimer: I dinnae owntae anythin'- 'tis all Tolkien's!  
  
A/N: This is a Mary Sue, so I shall not continue…ending it now.  
  
I turned to her, looking into her gray eyes. She looked back into mine with a gaze that seemed to penetrate my soul. I do not know how long we stood there, together…but I knew in my heart that the quest was more important.  
  
We broke apart, each weeping a little, knowing that neither of us would- could- ever forget, not for all our long years.  
  
"Perhaps- over the sea- we will meet again," I murmured into her soft hair.  
  
"Hush…let us enjoy this while it lasts," came the tremulous reply as she put her arms around me.  
  
~*~*~*  
  
It has been long since we lay under the trees, Legolas and I- but I know that in my heart, we will meet again, in Valinor or in the Halls of Mandos. 


End file.
